Where I am today

2011-04-11T12:23:00.000-07:00

Hey free world,
How is everybody doing? I pray you all are in good health. I go back to court May 25th to pick my jury. I miss my family so much. I haven't seen Jordan or Briana since July 23, 2009. My heart feels broken, but I try to give it to the Lord. Please don't judge me for my mistakes. I need positive people in my life to be here for me to help me get through these next few months. Please pray for me and my family.
Love Jamie

a message from the inside

2011-02-22T12:52:00.000-08:00

I am posting for my cousin Jamie; she wants everybody to know that she has a court date on May 25th. Jamie needs our prayers and letters. Please remember to include her beautiful children, Jordan and Briana, in your prayers. She thanks everybody for their continued support and sends her love.

2009-07-29T19:04:00.001-07:00

Please pray for my sister. We took the kids home last week and I returned home to TN without her today. She is currently in a hospital in FL and will be transported to jail from there. As soon as we got to our parents house last Wed. she was showered and ready to go. She had been making plans with some old "friends" for a couple of weeks. I kept asking her who she was on the phone with but she continued to get upset with me for being in her business. She left my parents house the night we got to town and I never saw her again. She knew the consequences and still chose the actions. I talked to her today by phone. I just cried to her, asking her how she could have done this. She says she doesn't know but she is ready to get on with whatever future she has. Our family is very sad thinking of having her locked in prison for the next 15 yrs. My heart is completely broken for her.

I feel alone, and lost???

2009-07-19T16:33:00.000-07:00

I am trying to keep myself together here, and at times it works, and then there is times where I can't get my mind to stop. I pray, and I read, and I listen to the gospel. I am just in fear of myself right now, and it's not that I will make a bad choice it's that I will mentally just break, and allow this to slam me to the ground once, and for all. I have felt so good in my heart having my children here with me. I felt almost normal, and it's been years since I've felt that in my heart. I don't trust anyone to just open up on my thought's or express how I think because all people want to say is you can control that, or just stop. Well if I could just stop, and get up, and be a normal person without thinking such thought's I would. I am holding this all in, and it's building up, and destroying me I feel it. I hate who I was born to be, and I wish I was never born. Do I want attention?? NO, I just want someone in my life to understand me, and not judge me. I want to get up, and not be afraid to walk outside because someone may look at me, or when I walk into a room I wouldn't feel as if people thought low of me, or they were better than me. I wish my hands didn't drip sweat all day long, and I could sit through a movie without thinking it was a real life story going to affect me. Maybe just maybe I didn't have to take a pill to be what the world calls normal. I'm over it, I just want to enjoy the next few days with my kids, and make sure they know just how much I love them...

I'm feeling the emptiness already

2009-07-18T14:21:00.000-07:00

Well my kids are leaving in 4 days, and I am just so emotional already, and they haven't left. I've spent the past few nights just laying awake holding them as they sleep. My heart feels like it's being ripped out of me again, and I can't stop it, or do anything about it. Finally I'm in routine with them, and we're happy, and it's time for them to go. I would never wish this pain on anyone in the world. I just keep trying to pray, and know that the Lord will get me through this, but then whatever the evil is in me decides to make me think why would God allow all of this to happen in the first place. Why did I have two Beautiful children that love me so much that have to be so darn far from me. I hate it, and I just want to enjoy these next few days, but I keep finding myself going into my room, and just laying there in a foggy cloud of doubt.

2009-07-17T13:07:00.001-07:00

Rainy days turn into fun for us all...

2009-07-15T15:54:00.000-07:00

Well the past few days it's just been rainy and nasty out. Makes me feel lazy, but me, Jen, and the kids all went to the mall the other day to get out, and it was starting out as each one of them got to choose one thing to do, or gift from a certain store. So first Briana chose Build A Bear, and on the way there Andon chose the candy store. Candy at $8.99 a pound I walked out of there spending $10.00, and some change, and they each had a bag full of goodies too. I was pleased with that choice, and so we headed to Briana's choice stopping at the Disney Store she changed her mind, and wanted a doll from there. So each kid got a toy, and it was pretty confusing cause Briana couldn't make up her mind, and then changed her mind again. Finally Briana picked a cute kitten, and Jordan wanted a Mickey Mouse. I was like okay, especially cause the stuffed animals were buy one, get one free. I only spent $18.00 and was pleased, then Jordan chose to ride the kid rides, and it only cost 75 cents per kid. I felt kinda bad so I let him get in the picture booth after that. Hey it was the rules and they all chose something for all of them to do. We all had fun, and it worked out pretty well for them I'd say...I'm loving each day with my kids, and I just thank God for them...

SO SWEET...

2009-07-13T13:26:00.000-07:00

My heart is so complete right now...

Me, and my Princess

Me, and my Prince Charming...
Wow we look alike in this one alot...

A nice end to the weekend...

2009-07-12T12:20:00.000-07:00

Briana, and Jordan make videos when they can. I am having a great day with the kids today. We went to church, then went and took some real nice pictures, which I'll be posting later. We came home, and Briana, and Aunt Jen made homemade pizza. Now it's quiet time, and I am just relaxing, and enjoying my day...

Watching the world go bye...

2009-07-11T14:01:00.000-07:00

I refuse to sit and watch the world just pass me by. I felt as if I was allowing myself to fall into a depression, and I must fight this. I'm tired of taking these medications, and I just know that I have to keep taking them. I am excited about all of the things that me, and my children have done, and are still to do while their here, but them leaving is causing me such a fear inside. I have to get control of my mind now, and just know that this is all going to be okay. I am very grateful for my time with my kids, and I pray that I will have many more blessed days with them to come. Today is a new day, and it's never too late to start over...

I must be over emotional...

2009-07-09T14:41:00.000-07:00

Well the kids are napping, and I went in to just peek at them, and I wanted to cuddle up to them and hold them without letting go. My days are going well, it's just the not sleeping and crying at night that is getting me down. I must be depressed because the 28 pounds that I lost, I gained it all back, and I feel like all I want to do is eat junk, and it makes me feel better for the time being. I don't want my kids to leave, and I just don't know what to do, or how to act, or what to think, and I keep this all buried inside. I feel that I have no one to turn to about it because I don't want to seem weak, or complain too much, but I need someone to talk to about this without feeling judged. I'm scared I may break, and then it will truly be over for me, and any chance of a life I have with my kids.Is there anyone who can give me some advise,or anything. I'll try, but I feel my faith slipping, and I need support. I feel I've drained everyone I know, and I just want to make it all go away. What a life I really have been a screw up, and messed up things for alot of people. I don't know why I even have my sister by my side still. I feel that I'm a helpless cause, whatever I guess...

Nice hair...

2009-07-09T07:34:00.000-07:00

We had fun this morning doing hair. I had mine cut lastnight, and I styled Jordan, and Briana's this morning...

We went on a nature walk, and fed the fish...

2009-07-08T12:05:00.001-07:00

Pushing back my fears...

2009-07-08T11:52:00.000-07:00

I am just so happy and I feel so complete with my kids being here with me. I feel almost like a family again, except the nightmares I'm having every night. I woke up lastnight and couldn't hold back the tears as I watched my little boy sleeping as he held me tight. The words I love you mommy never seemed so painful as I feel that I will break their hearts if I am not granted this Clemency in Florida. I feel such a pain inside because I want to warn them of me going away if it comes to that. I don't want it to be a surprise, but I don't want my babies stressed out anymore than their little minds have endured already. The other day my daughter was asking me to buy her something, and I did because I could afford it, and my son says to me" mommy you don't need to spend money on us for us to love you, we just want your love, and time." My heart just melted at this 7 year old little boy just wanting his mommy. Both my kids ask me every night if I'll just come home with them so we can live together again with daddy. There is nothing in this world I wouldn't do to have my family back, but it wasn't meant to be I guess. I am trying to enjoy every moment with my kids, but inside it's killing me because I don't think I can live with myself if I hurt them anymore. I think that with enough prayer, and faith that I'll push back these fears, or face them, and accept things for what they are. I just don't know anymore...

A Gloomy day...

2009-07-06T15:55:00.000-07:00

Well it's been a long boring day for me, and I'm just feeling under the weather still. The kids did their school work, and played hide-n-go seek for hours. Now their watching movies with Jared, and I'm thinking about making coffee. These days are passing so fast, and I don't mean to sound so bummed, but I already miss them, and their not even gone yet. I've been having nightmares about everything in life, and it makes me not want to sleep at all. I'm really missing my mom lately, and I can't wait to see her. Well I hope that everyone is having a great week so far. God Bless..

Fun in the sun...

2009-07-04T14:59:00.000-07:00

The kids had a blast that day, as Briana would say, 'We're doing Candin Balls"...

Fireworks...

2009-07-04T14:39:00.000-07:00

A must see, the first 30 seconds are bumpy, but when you've got a 6 year old recording what can you expect. She did a great job recording. Nashville Shores July 3rd 2009

Living it up...

2009-07-04T12:42:00.000-07:00

We had a blast lastnight, and today we're grilling out burgers, and we spent time at the pool. I also recorded lastnight's fireworks display from Nashville Shores. Here is a clip of the kids yesterday...

Happy 4th of July

2009-07-03T10:11:00.004-07:00

Well the past few days have been fun, and tonight is gonna be even better. We're taking the kids to Nashville Shores to play, and then we'll be watching the fireworks display tonight. I must say that I actually don't mind the lack of sleep, it's crazy cause when my kids are in bed with me I can't sleep because the are bed hogs, but when either one of them is not in the bed with me I can't sleep, and end up going, and getting them anyhow. So I find myself sleeping during nap time with them. Have a happy 4th, and God Bless...

Here is a few pics...

2009-07-01T12:34:00.000-07:00

We had so much fun, and I'll forever cherish each moment forever...

Who doesn't like presents...

PARTY TIME

Can we say fun in the sun...

Here is the very inspiration I live for...

Now the best part of the party...

Fun Fun...

2009-06-30T06:44:00.000-07:00

The party was fun, and it was so funny cause we set up a table outside and we were just relaxing when all of a sudden the sprinklers came on, and soaked everything. I had to pick up the mini grill and run across the yard. The kids got a good laugh. I will upload some videos soon.

Just an update on things...

2009-06-27T15:47:00.000-07:00

Well I recently spoke with my Lawyer and he tells me that it may be up to a year before I go in front of the Clemency Board. I'm keeping myself focused and in the word, and spending each moment awake that I can with my kids. I am living life as if I were dying, and I take in each moment to heart. Tomorrow I am giving the Jordan, and Briana their Birthday Party, it's gonna be so much fun. I'll have pictures to post soon. Goodnight, and GOD BLESS...

लाइफ...

2009-06-25T17:15:00.000-07:00

I feel like a mother again, and I wished these next 4 weeks would go very slow. This weekend I'm throwing Briana, and Jordan a Birthday party at the pool. They are so excited about it. I couldn't ask for more, Thank you Jesus...

I'm loving life...

2009-06-25T14:33:00.000-07:00

Well it's been pretty busy this week with the kids being here. We are just soaking in the love of each other on a minute by minute basis. Here is clip of Briana singing for me...

It's been a long day...

2009-06-20T17:40:00.000-07:00

Well I spent my day watching movies, and reading the WORD. I am so excited to get my kids, and I have a surprise party planned for them next weekend at the pool. I have seen my kids a total of 3 hours in the past year, and we all need this time together. It's way past due, but I've atleast got my head on straight now. The house feels so empty without Andon, and Jared here, and Jen being at work all day. Have a Blessed Day...

I feel like a guinea pig...

2009-06-20T04:23:00.000-07:00

Well this week I had to start a few more medications, and I really hate the way they're making me feel. I want to just quit all medications, but I can't. I feel like a project to my doctors, and I just wish I could live my life like any other person I know. I am trying to get adjusted to the affects of these medications before my children get here Monday. I dream of the day when I can just wake up, and deal with reality and not have to take a pill to cope, or keep my sanity. I have been on medications since I was 12 years old, and I just wonder if I'll have long term effects from them. On the other hand, my babies will be here in two days, and I can't wait to hold them, and Love on them. Have a Blessed weekend...

2009-06-17T07:58:00.000-07:00

Well it's been an alright week so far. I am a little upset with myself right now cause I have gained 12 pounds in a week. I guess when I go through things I eat alot of junk food, and now I am staring 3 new medications. I read the side affects are increased hunger for sweets ( GREAT ) I can only make myself see it as I may be a little bit chubby, but I am doing the next right thing. I have always struggled with my weight cause I usually carry an extra 25 pounds ever since I had kids. God loves me, and my husband, and children all love me for me as well, so I may as well just not get upset. I Talked to my lawyer and he says it may be 6 months to a year before I get my Clemency review. I am going to go now, and so I wish you a Blessed week...

Wow I am excited...

2009-06-15T15:15:00.000-07:00

Well just a few more days until Jared, and Andon drive down to Florida to get the kids. We went out today and I bought all the party supplies. I am going to take so many pictures, and cuddle as much as my kids will allow me to. Hey if anyone wants a smile well just go to www.youtube.com and search for Jamie Nalley and you'll find I recorded myself singing and put it on there. I feel that I sounded pretty good, so I hope you enjoy listening to it, but it's kinda loud. Have a BLESSED NIGHT...

I won't let a bump in the road slow me down...

2009-06-14T04:15:00.000-07:00

I am finally getting my mind back together after this past week, and what I put myself through. I am doing okay, and I am just searching my heart, and soul. Praying that the Lord I love so much with release me of this bondage that is within me. I am not going to focus on that though. My children will be here next week, and I cannot wait to hold them in my arms, and I won't want to let them go. With this post I am adding a video, and I would like it if you could take the time to listen to the words of this song. It's my life right now...

I love life...

2009-06-08T18:02:00.000-07:00

Well after the weekend I had, this day has been amazing, and I felt the Lord with me all day long. I hope that everyone else is having a great week so far. I am very excited to see my kids in two weeks, yep TWO WEEKS I cannot wait. Well God bless you all and I wish you well....
P.S
I know it seems like I'm on an emotional roller coaster, and I believe that it's because I am, but I feel the pace starting to settle in a great spot...

I see how it works...

2009-06-05T04:19:00.000-07:00

Just as fast as I told everyone how well I was doing, it seemed like the devil was attacking me all day after that, but you know what I see what he's trying to do, and I refuse to allow it. I began to fall several times, but the love of others pulled me back out of it. I can truly see now that the devil just loves misery, and will do ANYTHING to make life miserable so you can go his way. Nope not me I will fight with the Lord on my side I cannot, and will not fail. GOD BLESS

I am Great!!!!

2009-06-04T03:56:00.000-07:00

Well good morning to everyone, and I'd like to wish you all a blessed day. I had a long day yesterday, but it was such a good day for me. I could feel the Lord with me all day long. I t was like every time my mind wanted to run wild I'd read the word that I have posted at my work station, and I felt relieved so fast knowing that it was, and is God who is guiding me, and he's coming to me through believers around me, and through the word. I am excited to see how this day is going to go, and I am excited to be going to dinner with a dear friend of mine from work. I can't wait because she is so sweet, and I finally made a friend of my own that wants to hang out with me, and that's cool. Well God bless you all...

I must trust...

2009-06-02T17:58:00.000-07:00

Well tonight we sat down to figure out how we are going to approach the Florida State Legislature on my case, and I must say that I have to let this all go, and give it to God. I went through such an attack today that it scares me so badly, and I felt I'd lost control of myself. I feel that the Lord is leading me to just let him have it all, and no longer worry about it. I on the other hand am very excited to have my children up here on the 22nd. YEAH!!!! God Bless...

I felt the love of other believers today...

2009-06-02T14:38:00.000-07:00

Well today was a very rough day for me, but ended with me seeing that there is people that believe this is all for a purpose. I don't really know what happened today, but all I know is I couldn't breathe, and my legs went weak. I could see, but didn't understand what was happening. My mind wouldn't stop racing with such horrible thought's of what the devil wants to happen to me. I felt like I was being attacked, and I was so weak to everything around me, even my own vision. Two very special people stood beside as I was going through it. I just thank God for putting such loving people in my life, and even the rest of the people at my work we're all very helpful, and concerned. I see that I am so loved, and cared for that it makes my heart feel a peace. I am very tired, and I am going to bed early so God Bless, and have a great week to you all...
P.S
Thank you Jayme, and thank you Jared...

"Have faith in God," Jesus answered. - Mark 11:22

2009-05-30T04:17:00.000-07:00

It doesn't matter what you"re going through, or how big your opponents are. Keep an attitude of faith. Stay calm. Stay in a positive frame of mind. And don't try to do it all your way. Let God do it his way. If you simply obey his commands, he will change things in your favor. The Bible says, ' Don't get weary and faint in your mind " ( see Hebrews 12:3 ). Remember, stand strong. When negative thoughts come, reject them and replace them with God's thoughts. When you're in an attitude of faith, your opening the door for God to work in your situation. You may not see anything happening in your natural eyes, but in the unseen realm, in the spiritual world, God is at work. And if you'll do your part and keep believing, at the right time, God will bring you out with the VICTORY...

I read this when I got up this morning, and it was like the Lord was talking to me, and I am going to do as it says and I will keep pushing forward and do my best to do God's will as I'm told. I wish everyone a blessed day...

How do I act?

2009-05-29T18:14:00.000-07:00

Do I push on, and act like I'm okay, or do I allow my feelings to release. I feel so much hurt, and anger inside me and I want to just let it out. I can't go through every day and put on a smile like I'm fine when inside all I feel is pain, and suffering. I laugh so much to make the pain gone, and for those moments I'm laughing I feel free. I think that's why I laugh so much during the day, so I won't ball up in a dark corner and just cry. I need help with my emotions because I feel like I'm going to break soon, and I lose everything I've worked so hard for. Well actually not to be negative, but I feel that it got me no where in some ways because look I still got a 15 year sentence, and if I don't get this Clemency I go to prison and won't get out for 15 years yes, no gain time no credit time served, 15 years. I will have lost my life of my children for real then. Yes, I know I sound negative, but I am hurting, and I don't know what to do. I need a friend, and I feel like I have no one...

I don't know what to do right now??????

2009-05-29T17:28:00.000-07:00

I am not doing so well right now. I am just feeling lost, depressed, and I feel that suicidal thought's just stay in my head. I know not to fall into them, but I am really hurting, and really upset right now. I feel so alone, and I just want my kids, and my husband, and I want my life back. I feel like I grow a few steps in my faith, and then the devil just attacks me to a point that I can't even pick up my Bible. Please if there is anyone who knows me and what I am going through please will you call me. my number is 615-753-7426. I really need support and love and God. I need a friend, and feel like I don't have a soul in this world to talk to about things, and it's weighing down hard on me. Please pray for me...

I just want to say thank you.

2009-05-27T15:09:00.000-07:00

Well hello everyone, I had a few days of being unable to log on so I guess the other morning when I was half asleep getting ready for work I went on and deleted the video of my kids. I am uploading it right now, and I will be posting it. I am just going on with life as if nothing has changed. I have to stay in prayer cause there is a big part of me that wants to just be a big baby, and cry for my momma, and cuddle my babies, and just eat junk food and feel sorry for myself. My kids are doing really good, and both has a great week so far. I hope you all enjoy your week...I also just want to thank everyone for their support with everything that I am going through, and facing. Hey the good Lord has a plan, or I wouldn't be WHERE I AM TODAY...

I said I'd show you a video...

2009-05-26T03:55:00.000-07:00

Morning to everyone, and I hope that you all had a great, and relaxing weekend. I am up early and ready to have a great day today. I uploaded some of my videos to youtube. Just go there and look for jamie nalley and you'll see. Well this weekend was long and I am just ready to get started on the rest of my life. I don't know where I am going, but I know WHERE I AM TODAY, and I am okay with that because I have a very loving and supportive family, and I just know that God has great plans for me, and I am going to be a walking testimony for many people. I hope this week goes well for all of you, and your families...GOD BLESS...

I can see...

2009-05-24T06:21:00.000-07:00

I got up this morning and felt such a sadness in my heart, and usually I would just allow it to destroy me. I decided to read my Bible, and ask God what all of this is for. I have felt it in my heart that I no longer need to worry, and that if I am meant to serve these 15 years then God sees something in me that I don't. If I keep myself close to the Lord how can I go wrong. Yes I may not like what will happen at times, but if I follow the word and do as it says then I will be okay in spirit. So I can sit here this morning and say that if at worst I go to prison like I am sentenced to, then I will do as I'm meant to do. I can feel the Lord in me, and I can feel a great relief on my heart. WOW the Lord is AMAZING!!!!!! I just want to say that my life is a blessing and all that is to come is a blessing.

I should have never said anything...

2009-05-23T09:24:00.000-07:00

A few days ago I made a comment about my sister and what she's going through but it caused nothing but trouble for me, and that's not why I did it. I made the comment because I see her going down the same path as I did, and I don't want to see her lose everything like I did. I never meant to hurt her, or cause people to think badly of her. I only wished for people to pray for her, and my family in which it badly affecting. I love my sister very much, and only want for her to have her life back, and not see it go where mine has went cause as you all can see I was just sentenced to prison for 15 years. Whether or not it's God's plan for me to be an inspiration in prison, or why this is all to happen it's not what I want and I can already see the damage it's gonna do to my kids in order for me to be something to others. I recently found God and he has done miraculous things in my life, and has made me see through alot I never could have seen before. I also feel that I have very much farther to go, and I am struggling with trusting him because I, me yes me am being selfish... I don't want to hurt my kids anymore than I already have in their little lives. I will give up my life and be an inspiration in prison if it's meant to be, but I will always have a resentment for the fact I ruined my children's life, and I'm scared I will end up where I don't want to end. I am going to spend some time in prayer today and truly search myself asking God for understanding. But I just want to say to my sister that I am sorry. I love her so much, and she is a great person, better than I could have ever been. I only want to see her succeed.

Tonight took my mind off of things a bit...

2009-05-22T19:56:00.000-07:00

Well tonight me and Jen went to the mall to get pedicures, and on the way we saw a fair. So we went back to the house and got Jared, and Andon then we went to the fair. It was so fun riding the rides. Me, and Jen rode this crazy ride twice, and after the second time I was feeling like I was gonna get sick. I've been to many theme parks, but never went on a ride like that before. WOW... I really enjoyed my night with everyone, and wished my kids could have been there. They will be up here in 4 weeks, and we're going to have the time of our lives. I had a bit of a rough spot today with my faith, and trusting in the Lord. I know it's a sin to worry, and I really am trying to give everything to him, and trust that it will all work out the way he wants it to. I just have to accept that it's his will, and not always what I want. Anyhow my night has ended very well, and I am going to bed now.... God Bless you all.

God can get me through this..

2009-05-22T04:01:00.000-07:00

Well as you all know I was sentenced to 15 years in Florida State Prison this week. I am to turn myself in to the Citrus County Jail on November 20th 2009. I just know that this is all for a reason, because of the changes I have made in my life the past two years. I am a great believer in my faith, and I can feel the devil trying to pull me down. I ask that all of you that read my blog please pray for my strength to keep pressing forward. I just know that this has all happened for a great reason in God's plan for me, and my family. I won't lie, I am scared, and I feel really sick, but I am trying to give that to the Lord. God Bless, and have a great day.

Coping with reality...

2009-05-21T15:43:00.000-07:00

Well I got home lastnight and was able to relax and allow the reality of things to hit me. It sure did, but I am afraid that it hasn't hit all the way yet. I am so scared of what is to come, and I just want to keep fighting and lastnight I felt myself beginning to just fall. I can feel the pain that this is causing everyone. Please go to the blog ( A day in the life ) in my favorite blogs. That is my mom's blog and I can just feel her pain. I am so afraid of what this will do to my children if I'm meant to serve these 15 years. It's Gods will and I will accept that, but I just wish for it to be a blessing to the ones I love and not a heart breaker. Today Jen and Andon kept my mind really busy and we had a great day at the pool and I we went out to lunch as well. I go back to work tomorrow, and I am ready to get my mind busy on work and not dwelling on this I'm going through. I will have a relaxing weekend and come Tuesday I will begin with Jen, and Jared on getting things together for the Florida State Legislature for my appeals. I pray that oneday I will be a walking testimony to others, and to bring joy into peoples hearts.

What can I say???

2009-05-20T12:58:00.001-07:00

Well I had a great viist with the kids and I will be posting video of it in a few days.I went to court today and was sentenced to 15 years prison. The judge is giving me until November 2oth to file a Clemensy with the State of Florida. I didn't see this coming at all. I'm kinda tired right now and I am still in Florida,but I will be blogging in the next few days. I just need to rest and clear my head right now. Please everyone pray for me PLEASE...There is a huge part of me that knows it will all be okay, yet I am so afraid for my children. I am so scared, and I want to just cry, but something won't let me fall into that depression and I believe it's GOD.

It's not what I wished it was...

2009-05-19T11:37:00.000-07:00

Well what can I say? I came down for court and I'm staying at my mom's house. It is very sad to say this, but I wish I had never come here. My little sister is so deep into her addiction that I don't even know her. My mom sat up until midnight cleaning and then she got up at 4:oo am this morning and went to work. What do I do? I'm being supportive, and helped clean the house up and tended to the kids while my sister laid up sick. I can only see it this way. I must be there for them, but at a distance because I cannot allow there life to affect mine. I want so badly to make they're life better, but I am fighting for my own at this point and must walk away from them. I was so excited to come here, and now that I'm here I only wish to leave and not come back. I love my family so much, but I am finally at a point in my life that I love my life even more and if this is what it takes then this is what I'll do.I am going to see my kids later and I will blog about it tonight.

Found another picture...

2009-05-19T10:19:00.000-07:00

Well I'm just going through some pictures at my moms house, and I found this that me and the kids had done last year. I amo so excited to see my kids. I am meeting there father near there house around 5:00 pm. I can't wait. I'm just anxious...

Made it to Florida

2009-05-19T07:06:00.000-07:00

Well it was an okay flight down here. I was able to go and speak to my husband at my father in laws house lastnight. It was so nice to hear his voice, and today my mom had to work so I'm gonna help around the house. I will be going to see my kids tonight, and I'm gonna take them out to dinner. I went and got a picture from my house of my husband and I had my brother scan it on to my moms computer so now we'll see if I can post it. Have a great day...

Went and got a hair cut...

2009-05-16T18:03:00.000-07:00

Today was a really nice day, and I am very happy I listened to Jen and got my hair cut. I had a really good week and I am just so happy and excited to see my family in Florida. I am very anxious about my court date, but I have faith that whatever comes of it, it is God's will. I wish everyone a Blessed weekend...

Graduation was Fun !!!!!!!!

2009-05-16T06:12:00.000-07:00

Well my Graduation was such a fun night. I can honestly say that it felt so good do go and be a part of that. Afterwards we all went and had pizza, and came home and relaxed until we fell asleep. I also had a great night lastnight with Jen, Jared, and Andon. We all went out to eat and then me and Jen went to the mall to get a pedicure, and I'm going to get a hair cut. So we were too late lastnight so we are going to go get my hair cut before Jen goes to work. Here are a few pictures of my Graduation.

My Graduation is Tomorrow...

2009-05-13T17:00:00.000-07:00

Yes I know I am 28 years old and should have graduated High School 10 years ago, but like you all know my past was chaos and very destructive, and I was left with no time for school. The last grade I completed was the 8th grade, and it just so happened that I was able to taking a nursing class and get my CNA. I went to the certified nursing assistant class and graduated, and was so excited to get my state license. Little did I know that my juvenile charges that put me away would also take away my right to be a CNA. I was very upset that my past would follow me as an adult, but the reality of it is, it did!!! So I gave up on education and wanted to be a wife and mother. I did that and never followed my desire to get an education. Now since I am a mother, and a wife I had the desire to become independent with a little, or maybe alot of encouragement from Jen, and Jared. I signed up for GED school two months ago, and took my tests two weeks into my schooling. I passed my GED with flying colors yep, yep and tomorrow is my Graduation. Hey you only graduate from High School once in your life so why not be proud of myself even if it is 10 years later. So I am very excited about tomorrow night. Hey it's a nice ending to my day to be reminded of that. I hope you all have a blessed night.

Emotional...

2009-05-13T14:47:00.000-07:00

Well today has just been rough on me. I miss my husband so bad, and I got such a sweet and sad letter from him in the mail this afternoon. My heart feels broken, my soul is lost it seems, and I try to keep turning to the Lord for guidance. I have so much going on in my life right now, and I feel myself changing for the better, but I fear changing because will I still be the woman my husband fell in love with? I know our hearts remain in the same place, or better yet our love grows stronger as this time passes. Life passes us by so fast and before we know it, it's passed us by. An old friend of mine had a relative pass away, and it just makes me think. What if I never see my husband, my children, my family again? Anything can happen and when it's your time to go, and the good Lord brings you home then there is no stopping it. I lived a wild life as a teenager and went through many hard things that have left a dent in my heart. I find that the Lord is removing it slowly, and I'm just point blank afraid of change. I could go on all day long about my fears, but there is no need. I am where I am today because this is where I am meant to be, and I must accept this. My life is a blessing and I will not fall into my emotions because I'm having a rough day. Well I feel better that I got to vent about that.

I'm Getting Anxious...

2009-05-12T14:28:00.000-07:00

Well it's Tuesday and I'm just home from work, and I am so excited to go to Florida. My nerves are much more settled about court because I've given it to God. I do still try to take my own will back, but I've become more aware of it. I can't wait to see my babies and take them out to dinner. I'm not so keen on going back to Citrus County but that's where my family is. I will be taking pictures when I go down so you'll get to see some of my trip.

I love my sister...

2009-05-11T15:51:00.000-07:00

Today I felt something weighing on my heart that I should do something special for Jen. She is always thinking of me and doing for me. So I asked Jared if he'd take me to Life Way Christian Store in town. Jen collects these little Willow Tree statues, and I found one with two sisters side by side. Jen is so loving, and giving and it just makes me feel good inside that I could do that for her. I just know she's gonna love it. I got some really good news about my son today as well. My son is in the first grade, and the school sent home a letter to his father saying that they would like permission to put Jordan in gifted classes. They say he far past the average kid, and he's reading at a fourth grade level already. I am so proud of my children, and just want to thank the Lord for blessing me with the gift of being their mother. God Bless...

They've done it again...

2009-05-10T07:20:00.000-07:00

Well as you all see I posted this morning, just after that I went back to bed. I was awakened by Jennifer, Jared, and Andon all singing Happy Mother's Day to me, then they piled on my bed and gave me such amazing gifts. I never seen it coming at all, and it just felt so great on my heart that they would do such a thing. Jen has these little" Willow Tree" nic naks she has been collecting and they are beautiful. They got me an angel of hope and a new picture frame with a beautiful picture of my kids and me, and a card full of pictures of me, and my kids when they were little. My heart is just so touched... Then right after that my babies called me, and wished me a Happy Mother's Day... I must say that I am BLESSED...

A Blessing

2009-05-10T04:03:00.000-07:00

Well instead of sitting here, and feeling bad for myself that my children are not with me. I'm going to say that I wish my mom the best Mother's Day ever, and she deserves more than just that. My mom is that woman who always went without to make sure we had everything. Even when we got into high school and had to have the name brand cloths I can remember my mom taking ever dime she had to get us each a cool outfit as we described. This is a woman who was always beside me, I can remember trying to kill myself and waking up out of a coma with mom and a suitcase in hand. This is a woman who took on raising her own sisters and it seems like their children too. Always wearing the weight of others on her heart not paying any attention to her own needs. I pray that GOD will bless my mom today cause if anyone deserves it. Well it would be her. Thank you mom and Happy Mother's Day. I LOVE YOU...

Tomorrow is Mother's Day

2009-05-09T09:15:00.000-07:00

Well I may not get the Mother's Day with my kids that I want, but I will be flying down to Florida on the 17th of this month and we're gonna celebrate then by going to dinner and my babies made me cards. I know in time I will eventually be spending Mother's Day with my children in my own home. I would like to wish all of you mother's a wonderful Mother's Day!!!!!!

Just For Laughs...

2009-05-09T07:45:00.001-07:00

Classification: UNCLASSIFIED

Your daily laugh!

A 6 year old and a 4 year old are upstairs in their bedroom.

'You know what?' says the 6 year old. 'I think it's about time we
started cussing.

The 4 year old nods his head in approval.

The 6 year old continues, 'When we go downstairs for breakfast, I'm
gonna say something with hell and you say something with ass.'

The 4 year old agrees with enthusiasm.

When the mother walks into the kitchen and asks the 6 year old what he
wants for breakfast, he replies, 'Aw, hell, Mom, I guess I'll have some
Cheerios.'

'WHACK! He flies out of his chair, tumbles across the kitchen floor,
gets up, and runs upstairs crying his eyes out, with his mother in hot
pursuit, slapping his rear with every step. His mom locks him in his
room and shouts, 'You can stay there until I let you out!'

She then comes back downstairs, looks at the 4 year old and asks with a
stern voice, 'And what do YOU want for breakfast, young man?'

'I don't know, 'he blubbers, 'but you can bet your fat ass it won't be
Cheerios!

On A Positive Note...

2009-05-07T15:38:00.000-07:00

I've learned that no matter what happens, or how bad it seems today, life does go on, and it will get better tomorrow.

I've learned that you can tell a lot about a person by the way he/she handles these three things: a rainy day, lost luggage, and tangled christmas tree lights.

I've learned the regardless of your relationship with your parents, you'll miss them when they're gone from your life.

I've learned that life sometimes gives you a second chance.

I've learned that making a "living" is not the same as making a " life".

I've learned that if you pursue happiness, it will elude you. But if you focus on your family, your friends, the needs of others, your work and doing the best you can, happiness will find you.

I've learned that whenever I decide something with an open heart, I usually make the right decision.

I've learned that even when I have pains,I don't have to be one.

I've learned that everyday you should reach out and touch someone. People love that human touch, holding hands, a warm hug, or just a friendly pat on the back.

I've learned that I still have a lot to learn.

I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.

I've also learned that you should pass this along to someone you care about. I just did. Sometimes you need a little something to make you smile.

God Bless...

You can't seek happiness

2009-05-07T14:25:00.000-07:00

I'm learning that the more I seek happiness the worse I feel. I've found that through my actions and reactions with or around other people can give me a sense happiness. That every moment I think of my children, or my husband my heart fills with happiness. If I just live and allow it to find me, then happy is what I'll be. I've lived in such a world of my own that I felt I could never find happiness when all along it was right in front of me as I was pushing it away. Today I am happy, and I will keep praying for happiness to remain in me...

My emotions take over...

2009-05-06T14:15:00.000-07:00

I don't know what it is, but my heart is so sad that it's making me literally sick. My mom always said that around my monthly I get a little crazy and emotional.It's almost that time so I don't know if that may be the cause. Anyhow I got a beautiful Mother's Day card from my husband today with a picture in in as well. I am so sad inside and I don't know what to do. I miss my family so much but I have to work on me before I can be any good to them. I think I'm getting depressed from not having any friends, or social life at all. I don't know what to do I just want these emotions to stop cause I feel like it is gonna break me down, and I don't want to fall into any type of depression.

It was said "I'm a rising Star"

2009-05-03T07:04:00.000-07:00

Well as you all know I finally got a job a month ago. I've really only had one other job besides this one. I work in the Production Department and Friday was one of the most exciting days for me. My Boss sent out a message to the Company about my progress,calling me a rising star, and I've never had such a thing happen to me. I know that I work really hard, but I never seen that coming. It may sound crazy to others but having the responsibility as I have now is a blessing to me and I feel that it's just another step in my growing process. Life is amazing and I love life today, and says alot for me because all my life all I ever wanted was to die. Since I was 15 years old I've tried to commit suicide over 10 times and I felt that there was no purpose in life more me. Even after the birth of my children I felt I was never good enough to be their mother.I've lived my life in such a depression that being angry, and lonely was no big deal as far as I could see because it was what I called normal.I can't just forget about the past because I have scars on my wrists, and throat that oneday I'll have to explain to my children. I believe that I am to be a walking testimony in the future. It does get better, and life is worth living for, and I wouldn't quit fighting for my life for nothing in this world. I have two beautiful children, a loving husband, and an amazing family that never gave up on me, even when I gave up on myself, and I just want to thank the Lord for giving me life...

Treated Jen & Andon

2009-05-02T12:06:00.000-07:00

Well Thursday was an enjoyable night.Jen is always doing for me so I asked Jen if she'd like to go eat somewhere. Jared was out of town and the house seemed not right without him home. So we went to Nashville and ate at Carrabas and then went to the Green Hills Mall. We had fun and got to spend good quality time we each other. Here is a picture we took before we left...

It' Friday...

2009-05-01T03:03:00.000-07:00

Morning to everyone, and I'm wishing you all a blessed day. Things are going rather well for me. I just miss my kids, and can't wait to fly down to Florida to see them. Have a great weekend...

God Is So Amazing...

2009-04-30T04:22:00.000-07:00

I woke up this morning feeling such a peace in my heart. I seem to sometimes be on an emotional rollercoaster, and being put on new medications is hard to understand if I'm emotional or it's the side effects. I spent last night in the word, and giving the Lord what's in my heart. My knowledge of the Lord is weak, but I can feel it growing each day as I carry my problems to him. I am finally seeing that I cannot succeed at anything without him at my side. This broken spirit in me is dying and I'm feeling the change. I know that my life will never be just as I want it to be, but I realize that it will be how it's meant to be for the Lord's will shall be done, not mine. Have a Blessed day everyone.

A Final Conformation...

2009-04-28T17:32:00.000-07:00

Well the past few weeks I've been struggling with the decision to stay, or divorce my husband. I believe that I was being selfish, and I would have made one of the biggest mistakes in my life. My love for my husband is so strong, and he's my best friend, and soul mate. I've always ran from my problems, and I think it's time to stand and face my fears. Divorcing him would only leave us both broken hearted. He will be home from prison in 2011, and it's really not that far away when you think about it. He's been gone for over a year now, and I can make this work. I've been praying over our marriage, and reading alot about struggling relationships, and it's not that we were struggling. It's just the loneliness that I feel without him near. The Lord Almighty has a great plan for us and we can do this. Work is going well for me, and I'm working my way up in my department fast. The kids are doing really good in school, and Briana has had no problems this week at all. God Bless...

Great News!!!!!!

2009-04-28T10:50:00.000-07:00

Well my mom had the tests ran and the results are already back. My moms body is rejecting menopause, and that's what is causing the lumps. So NO CANCER!!!!!! Yeah...
Other than that life is going fine, just working and going through the motions of life...

Being Lazy...

2009-04-25T14:55:00.000-07:00

Well it's been a nice day today, and I'm just watching movies. Jen, and Jared, Andon and I all went and had a picnic and it's just beautiful out. The kids are going skating with their daddy. No news on my moms situation, but please keep praying.

Overwhelmed and needing to talk...

2009-04-24T17:38:00.000-07:00

Well as all of you that read my blog know that I have been dealing with legal issues. The last court date I had the Judge reminded me that with my charges I am facing 30 year minimum and 100 year maximum in prison. I completed rehab, and am now doing so well and have made so many changes in my life. I know that having the Lord beside me I shouldn't fear, but the devil is just trying to break me. For the 1st time in my life I see with clear eyes, and I live. I allowed my past drug addiction to control my life and it has affected so many people. I know God loves me, but sometimes I feel that I'm not worthy of his love, and grace.I am so scared and I don't want to go back to prison. I know my heart and I know that what I did was wrong. I'm doing everything in my power to keep changing in positive ways. I go to court on the 20th of MAY, and I will be taking and open plea with the Judge. My life is in his hands at this point. Please everyone that reads my blog, please pray for me, and that the Judge will have mercy on me. Besides this stress I'm going through my life is going great. I love my job, and I talk to my kids every night before bedtime. I take my medication as directed, and I try to spend as much time in the word as I can. I don't really understand the Bible, but I read it everyday and try very hard to understand. I know in time I will understand, and see, and get more from it. Have a Blessed weekend...

Please Pray for my Mom...

2009-04-23T17:56:00.000-07:00

I'm asking for everyone to please pray for my mom. About 3 weeks ago she found a small lump in her breast. Well as the time has passed it has grown to the size of a golf ball. She went to the doctor, and they ruled most things out, what's left now is to have a mammogram, and ultrasound done to check for cancer. I spoke to her lastnight and she was so upset, but acting strong. I am so scared for my mom.What scares me the most is that due to the economy my Dad lost his business and they nolonger have medical insurance to pay to have these tests.Please everyone pray that some miracle comes along, and my mom can pay for these tests, and mostly that it's not cancer.My mom is such a strong woman, yet I feel this is too much for her. If anyone can pass this along and place my momma in your prayers I will so deeply thank you... GOD BLESS

Did I go too far???

2009-04-20T15:06:00.000-07:00

Today at work while talking to the that works with me. He begins to complain how his chest hurts, and his arm was numb, then he tells me how he's been smoking crack all weekend. Instantly I felt sick and nervous, I see things this way. I have worked long and hard to get where I am today, and the sound of drugs scare me badly. Now knowing this I've been riding with him from work everyday, and subjecting myself to this not knowing. I prayed about what to do. I went to the bathroom and got sick, and then prayed. Asking the Lord to guide me in the right direction of what to do. I went to my boss and told him about what was said and how I felt about working beside a person doing such things that had ruined 5 years of my life. I'm sad at what may happen to him, and his job, but I have to worry about me and my life. Did I make the right choice? I don't know, but I do know that I am sober today, and plan to fight as long as it takes to keep my life clean, and sober. I will not put myself in a position, or around people that can bring me down that road again. Please tell me what you think?

Loving being lazy...

2009-04-19T09:31:00.000-07:00

Well lastnight I sat on the couch and watched all 3 matrix movies. Today I am going to Walmart and buying chips, and soda and I'm gonna watch all of The Lord Of The Rings movies. My kids are having a great day going to the roller barn to have a birthday party with school friends. I am having a good weekend, and I am ready to go back to work tomorrow. Have a blessed day.

Just when it feels your at the bottom something else happens...

2009-04-17T15:10:00.000-07:00

Well you all know that I've told my husband that we are done. Today I got a picture in the mail and he's given up on God by the words that are written on it. I miss him so much and I don't know what to do. I told him that I will stand beside him through this and I just cannot turn my back on him either. My heart is hurting so bad right now, and I don't have anyone in the world to talk to about it. I can talk to my sister, but I just don't see her understanding me. I want so badly to have a life and some friends of my own, but I can't seem to find anyone. All my life I've kept myself away from others so I couldn't get hurt and now it seems that I don't know how to reach out and find some who will care for me as a friend. I'm all dressed up and have no where to go, I don't know it's kinda crazy but I feel better putting on make up and doing my hair. Have a great weekend everyone.

It's Already Friday

2009-04-17T04:18:00.000-07:00

Hello everyone and I hope you all had a great week. I just got up and I was getting ready for work when I figured why not say hello and wish everyone a great Friday. My kids are doing really good this week, and they're so excited about coming up for the summer. I can't wait either. God Bless!!!!

Had a great day at work...

2009-04-14T14:58:00.000-07:00

Well this week is going well so far. I just got home and I am going to relax, and maybe then in a while me, and Jen will go running. I hope that everyone is having a great week so far.

Happy Easter!!! I found some great pics...

2009-04-12T09:10:00.000-07:00

Well today me and Jen took a few pics, and while she was getting them ready we found some pictures of me and my family. They're really great!!!!

Well my day didn't go as planned but it ended up nice...

2009-04-11T07:48:00.000-07:00

Well yesterday my friend was a no call no show, and it bothered me so badly that I allowed it to ruin my day. I felt so bad for myself that I just went into my room and cried for a while. Jen came in and asked me if I wanted to go get a pedicure? So we went out and it seemed every place we went was closed. Then we decided that Krispy Kreme sounded great!! We went and indulged ourselves with junk food, and then we went to Old Navy and bought an outfit. Jen was so sweet for doing that for me. I feel so alone and at times I feel desperate for friendship that I hurt when it doesn't go the way I think it should. I feel as if I'm searching the world for a friend, but little do I realize I already have the best friend right beside me, my sister.

Happy good Friday...

2009-04-10T06:32:00.000-07:00

Well today I have off and I plan to get some cleaning done in my room and then I'm going bowling with a friend. My kids are doing really well, and I am taking each day as it comes to me. I am so amazed in how my life has changed in the past year, yet alone that past 3 months while living up here in Tennessee. I am so grateful to have the opportunity to make a great future for me and my children. Have Blessed weekend.

Facing a Broken heart...

2009-04-08T17:27:00.000-07:00

Well today is a hard day for me, and I can only imagine of how it will be for my husband when he get's the news. I've come from such a destructive past, and it was the old life I led. I've come to realize that I need to start over completely and by that I mean I am divorcing my husband. I hurt so bad cause I know I'm going to break his heart, but were just not meant for each other. We both also have a long past that follows us and we don't need each other to drag down. I've never felt such a pain as I feel inside right now, and I even doubt myself to which this is the right thing to do. I've prayed and I've been going over the best I can to do the right thing. I don't know what to do??? I also don't think I can handle the fact of breaking someones heart especially the person I love the most, but I have to do what is best for me and my children in our future. Is there anyone in this world who can help to understand this? I wrote my husband the letter but I can't get the nerve to send it to him cause I love him so much and I don't want to leave him. It's just the best thing for us to do. I pray to God that I am making the best choice for my life. I have to believe that what is in Gods Will is going to be for me and my family. God bless...

The kids loved their easter stuff...

2009-04-07T15:40:00.000-07:00

I sent my kids some Easter candy and I bought a card where I can record my voice. So I sent them both a sweet message and and filled a box with lots of goodies. I talked to them lastnight and they both told me how happy they were to get their stuff. I had a great day today, and I plan to relax tonight and write my husband. I can't wait until may 18th when I fly down to Florida. I will have a day to spend with my babies. Have a great night, and God Bless...

Rough Day...

2009-04-06T16:54:00.000-07:00

Well today was quite the day, it seemed that everything I did went wrong. I really don't sleep much and I have my days where I get 3 hours sleep, and then some where I'll get 5 hours sleep. I tried to shake it off, but I just had a rough day today. My heart feels as if it's in a better place though. I spent some time in the word lastnight, and poured my heart out to the Lord. Now I must be patient and wait for his guidance. I hope everyone has had a good day today, and an even better one tomorrow. God bless...

I'm struggling with God...

2009-04-05T13:27:00.000-07:00

I don't know what to do about things in my life and I find myself turning away from God, and rebelling. I know the right things to do, but my heart is so lonely that I want to reach out and find someone to need me as I feel the want to be needed in life. I think it's the presence of the ones I love I need the most and can't have, I feel lost without my children and husband. I somehow live the motions of life yet my heart feels broken, and I just refuse to turn to God for that Love and guidance. I want what is best for me and my family, but how can I ever do that if I can't find what is right in me. Is there anyone out there who can give me some advise on what to do. I fill my time with work, and running, and blogging, yet I still feel emptiness.What do I do and how do I find comfort in the Lord again?

Working hard...

2009-04-04T17:06:00.000-07:00

Well I had a long week of work, and I feel really good about myself and my job. I got up this morning and ran a mile with Jen to Starbucks! I didn't know I could run that far without passing out.I'm really struggling with thought's on my marriage right now cause I feel distant from my husband, and I don't know what to do.I pray that God will guide me to make the best choice for my future of my husband, sobriety and my children.I love my husband so much and want to spend the rest of my life with him, but something inside of me is bothered and I don't know what it is.I really need someone to talk to about this but I don't know how to communicate my pain to anyone. Things in my life are going really great and I plan to just keep pushing forward and move over this emotional hump I'm on.Please pray that the Lord will lead me down the right path, he hasn't failed me so far.Have a great week everyone.

I got the Job!!!!!

2009-04-01T15:50:00.000-07:00

I was hired yesterday, and I started today. I really liked it and I must say it's been a long time since I've worked. I am just so grateful that the Lord has blessed me with this job. Now this week my goal is to sign up for online classes to get my AA degree. Well the kids are doing really good, and I sent them their Easter candy and a card that I recorded a message to them. Have a blessed week...

I have a job interview today...

2009-03-31T09:29:00.000-07:00

Well today I have an interview at Uth Stuph and I can't wait!!!! We'll see if I get the job.Things are going really well fro me this week so far.The kids are doing really good too.God Bless and have a great week...

Please Pray!!!

2009-03-28T06:35:00.000-07:00

Well you all know that I struggle with addiction,and I've overcome it and am moving on with life sober.Well I recently learned that my little sister is addicted too.Today she is putting herself into a Detox, and is going to try to clean herself up.Please pray with me that she will make it through thee detox, and withstand the withdrawals.I don't want to see her lose her life like I lost mine.It's not too late for her,so PLEASE pray for my sister.Thanks...

Ouch!!!!!

2009-03-26T17:07:00.000-07:00

Well today I thought I was 18 again,and I went out and tried to ride roller blades down a hill.Once I hit about 15 mph, and couldn't stop I knew I was in trouble.I rolled and flipped through the parking lot.After coming to a complete stop I picked up myself, and acted like I was okay, but the truth is it hurts bad, and I got road burn.Hey you only live once so I figured why not try.Oh by the way I do have great news too.I have a job interview tomorrow at Joanns Fabric Store.Have a great week!!!!

I passed my GED!!!!!

2009-03-23T11:29:00.000-07:00

Well I got my test results today,and I passed my GED.I am so proud of myself....YEAH!!!

I'm going to audition for Nashville Star

2009-03-23T09:04:00.000-07:00

What a great start to my day.I found out that there doing Nashville Star auditions October 12th at the Wild Horse Saloon in Nashville,and I will be there to audition.I love singing it's my dream to become a country singer,and I'm pretty good.How exciting the thought of me being famous!!!!Then I'd really be able to do great things for my children, wow I can't even imagine how life would be.Well I do know that I'm going to try out to see if I can make it.Singing it my passion.Well have a great day.

Where do I go from here?

2009-03-22T16:44:00.000-07:00

Well my heart is just breaking right now.I can't even talk to my kids on the phone because my ex is having a bad day.I want to fight for custody of my kids, but I'm afraid to go against him.I've had 2 jobs in my life I live on ssi,and I'm a recoverying addict.It just seems like he's the better provider.I love my kids and miss them so much.I am trying to get a job right now,I just don't know how I could ever win against him.It's not fair to my kids what he's doing.I'm afraid of losing.I've always lost and always failed.I want a life back to be the mother I once was, but even better.How do I get the right help to fight for my kids?I graduated rehab in Jan of this year, and I stay on my medication.I just need a job, and to be independent so I can oneday have my kids back at home with mommy.I wasn't going to put all of this out there, but I can't keep it in anylonger.If anyone has any advice please could you give it to me.Do I just keep pressing forward,and give it to the Lord?I'm new in my faith and it seems the devil is trying to break me.I REFUSE TO FALL.God is on my side,I know I can do this.I'm just struggling with the feelings in my heart.

Missing my husband

2009-03-22T10:58:00.000-07:00

Well as you all know that my husband is in prison, and will be until 2011.Today is just one of those days where I really feel the pains of missing him.Not only is he my husband, but he's my very best friend, and he completes me.The Lord places this special man in my life for a reason, and I just really miss him near me laughing, and being a family.I know this too shall pass and we will be together again, it's just one of those days of longing for him.I hope that everyone has had a great weekend.Mine has been blessed.

Living Care Free!!!

2009-03-21T17:07:00.000-07:00

I'm learning as I travel this new road in life that I've always made choices based on what others thought of me,and I have always allowed it to take a toll on me what people think of me.I'm learning that God loves me no matter what.That no matter the way I look, or dress that he knows my heart.My God is so awesome,and I just love the fact that I can go out without having to put on lots of makeup, or be my best dressed.I can be comfortable in my own skin.That's because I'm choosing to give God my fears, and love myself.Life may not be all I want it to be at times, but I have a loving God, a loving husband, and two loving children that all love me no matter what and I thank God for my life...Also I'd like to add I have the best sister,and brother inlaw in the world, plus my precious nephew Andon!!!

Me and my babies having fun!!!

2009-03-20T10:00:00.000-07:00

Well I finally got me pictures today, and I am so excited for you all to see me and my little ones.I kept thinking Briana looked different?Well that's because her eyebrows haven't grown back all the way.Haha little princess, and my prince charming!

Still job hunting

2009-03-19T12:30:00.000-07:00

Hey there, well this week is going by fast. I added some more poems to my poetry blog if you'd like to check them out.I'll be posting my pictures tonight or tomorrow.Can't wait to get them!!!

Job hunting time

2009-03-16T11:34:00.000-07:00

Well I'm getting back into the swing of things.I went and put in an application at KOHLS today, and I really want to work there.I'm going to call them later, and I will keep trying.I had a pretty good weekend, but we've all been sick around here.I'll be getting my pictures oneday this week and can't wait to share them with you all.I recently got back in contact with my mother in law, and I am so very happy about that.It's a blessing to have her in my life.Today is my Husbands birthday so I sent him a few cards.I can feel the Lord in my life more and more each day, and I love it.Well until next time have a great week.

I had a good visit

2009-03-13T05:25:00.000-07:00

Well I had a great visit, and finally got to see my kids. I took pictures, but have to get them developed.I didn't get sentenced yet either.I did get to go to my father in laws house to talk to my husband on the phone,and we talked for 45 minutes. It was great to hear my husbands voice finally.I fly back down May 20th for my last court date.I can't wait to get my pictures back so you can see my darling children.I HOPE EVERYONE HAS A GREAT WEEKEND...

Things are tough

2009-03-10T10:35:00.000-07:00

Well my flight was great and now I am at mom's house. I'm very aggravated with my ex husband. He won't let me have my kids like we planned,and I just don't know what to do. I am meeting them at the park at 3:30 so I have to just accept things for what they are.I will still enjoy the time I have with my babies.I'm just struggling with the fact that I'm doing all that I can, and he is treating me this way.It's not fair to my kids.I hope the rest of the trip will end well.

I'm going to Florida tomorrow...

2009-03-09T15:16:00.000-07:00

Hey everyone, it's been a great week, and I just so excited to be in Florida tomorrow. I will be picking up my kids tomorrow evening, and they will be spending two days with me. YEAH!!!!!!! I get sentenced on the 12th, and then I Fly back to Tennessee. I can't wait to show you all pictures, and blog about my visit with my babies. Until then, bye...

I'm feeling good about the test

2009-02-27T14:54:00.000-08:00

Well my test was a whole day event, and I'm feeling pretty good about it.I get my test results in two to three weeks.I studied very long and hard for my GED, so now we'll see if it all paid off.Jen,Jared,and Andon all picked me up, and then we went out for dinner.It was a nice ending to my day.

The night before the big test...

2009-02-25T16:12:00.000-08:00

Well tomorrow I take my big test, and I am so very nervous too. I take the test from 7:45 until 4:30 and by the time I get home my mind is going to be tired.I believe that I'll do just fine really.The crazy thing is I won't get my test results for 4 to 6 weeks.WISH ME LUCK!!!!