SO SWEET...

My heart is so complete right now...

Me, and my Princess

Me, and my Prince Charming...
Wow we look alike in this one alot...

A nice end to the weekend...

Briana, and Jordan make videos when they can. I am having a great day with the kids today. We went to church, then went and took some real nice pictures, which I'll be posting later. We came home, and Briana, and Aunt Jen made homemade pizza. Now it's quiet time, and I am just relaxing, and enjoying my day...

Watching the world go bye...

I refuse to sit and watch the world just pass me by. I felt as if I was allowing myself to fall into a depression, and I must fight this. I'm tired of taking these medications, and I just know that I have to keep taking them. I am excited about all of the things that me, and my children have done, and are still to do while their here, but them leaving is causing me such a fear inside. I have to get control of my mind now, and just know that this is all going to be okay. I am very grateful for my time with my kids, and I pray that I will have many more blessed days with them to come. Today is a new day, and it's never too late to start over...

I must be over emotional...

Well the kids are napping, and I went in to just peek at them, and I wanted to cuddle up to them and hold them without letting go. My days are going well, it's just the not sleeping and crying at night that is getting me down. I must be depressed because the 28 pounds that I lost, I gained it all back, and I feel like all I want to do is eat junk, and it makes me feel better for the time being. I don't want my kids to leave, and I just don't know what to do, or how to act, or what to think, and I keep this all buried inside. I feel that I have no one to turn to about it because I don't want to seem weak, or complain too much, but I need someone to talk to about this without feeling judged. I'm scared I may break, and then it will truly be over for me, and any chance of a life I have with my kids.Is there anyone who can give me some advise,or anything. I'll try, but I feel my faith slipping, and I need support. I feel I've drained everyone I know, and I just want to make it all go away. What a life I really have been a screw up, and messed up things for alot of people. I don't know why I even have my sister by my side still. I feel that I'm a helpless cause, whatever I guess...

Nice hair...

We had fun this morning doing hair. I had mine cut lastnight, and I styled Jordan, and Briana's this morning...

We went on a nature walk, and fed the fish...

Pushing back my fears...

I am just so happy and I feel so complete with my kids being here with me. I feel almost like a family again, except the nightmares I'm having every night. I woke up lastnight and couldn't hold back the tears as I watched my little boy sleeping as he held me tight. The words I love you mommy never seemed so painful as I feel that I will break their hearts if I am not granted this Clemency in Florida. I feel such a pain inside because I want to warn them of me going away if it comes to that. I don't want it to be a surprise, but I don't want my babies stressed out anymore than their little minds have endured already. The other day my daughter was asking me to buy her something, and I did because I could afford it, and my son says to me" mommy you don't need to spend money on us for us to love you, we just want your love, and time." My heart just melted at this 7 year old little boy just wanting his mommy. Both my kids ask me every night if I'll just come home with them so we can live together again with daddy. There is nothing in this world I wouldn't do to have my family back, but it wasn't meant to be I guess. I am trying to enjoy every moment with my kids, but inside it's killing me because I don't think I can live with myself if I hurt them anymore. I think that with enough prayer, and faith that I'll push back these fears, or face them, and accept things for what they are. I just don't know anymore...