Hey free world,
How is everybody doing? I pray you all are in good health. I go back to court May 25th to pick my jury. I miss my family so much. I haven't seen Jordan or Briana since July 23, 2009. My heart feels broken, but I try to give it to the Lord. Please don't judge me for my mistakes. I need positive people in my life to be here for me to help me get through these next few months. Please pray for me and my family.
Love Jamie

a message from the inside

I am posting for my cousin Jamie; she wants everybody to know that she has a court date on May 25th. Jamie needs our prayers and letters. Please remember to include her beautiful children, Jordan and Briana, in your prayers. She thanks everybody for their continued support and sends her love.

Please pray for my sister. We took the kids home last week and I returned home to TN without her today. She is currently in a hospital in FL and will be transported to jail from there. As soon as we got to our parents house last Wed. she was showered and ready to go. She had been making plans with some old "friends" for a couple of weeks. I kept asking her who she was on the phone with but she continued to get upset with me for being in her business. She left my parents house the night we got to town and I never saw her again. She knew the consequences and still chose the actions. I talked to her today by phone. I just cried to her, asking her how she could have done this. She says she doesn't know but she is ready to get on with whatever future she has. Our family is very sad thinking of having her locked in prison for the next 15 yrs. My heart is completely broken for her.

I feel alone, and lost???

I am trying to keep myself together here, and at times it works, and then there is times where I can't get my mind to stop. I pray, and I read, and I listen to the gospel. I am just in fear of myself right now, and it's not that I will make a bad choice it's that I will mentally just break, and allow this to slam me to the ground once, and for all. I have felt so good in my heart having my children here with me. I felt almost normal, and it's been years since I've felt that in my heart. I don't trust anyone to just open up on my thought's or express how I think because all people want to say is you can control that, or just stop. Well if I could just stop, and get up, and be a normal person without thinking such thought's I would. I am holding this all in, and it's building up, and destroying me I feel it. I hate who I was born to be, and I wish I was never born. Do I want attention?? NO, I just want someone in my life to understand me, and not judge me. I want to get up, and not be afraid to walk outside because someone may look at me, or when I walk into a room I wouldn't feel as if people thought low of me, or they were better than me. I wish my hands didn't drip sweat all day long, and I could sit through a movie without thinking it was a real life story going to affect me. Maybe just maybe I didn't have to take a pill to be what the world calls normal. I'm over it, I just want to enjoy the next few days with my kids, and make sure they know just how much I love them...

I'm feeling the emptiness already

Well my kids are leaving in 4 days, and I am just so emotional already, and they haven't left. I've spent the past few nights just laying awake holding them as they sleep. My heart feels like it's being ripped out of me again, and I can't stop it, or do anything about it. Finally I'm in routine with them, and we're happy, and it's time for them to go. I would never wish this pain on anyone in the world. I just keep trying to pray, and know that the Lord will get me through this, but then whatever the evil is in me decides to make me think why would God allow all of this to happen in the first place. Why did I have two Beautiful children that love me so much that have to be so darn far from me. I hate it, and I just want to enjoy these next few days, but I keep finding myself going into my room, and just laying there in a foggy cloud of doubt.

Rainy days turn into fun for us all...

Well the past few days it's just been rainy and nasty out. Makes me feel lazy, but me, Jen, and the kids all went to the mall the other day to get out, and it was starting out as each one of them got to choose one thing to do, or gift from a certain store. So first Briana chose Build A Bear, and on the way there Andon chose the candy store. Candy at $8.99 a pound I walked out of there spending $10.00, and some change, and they each had a bag full of goodies too. I was pleased with that choice, and so we headed to Briana's choice stopping at the Disney Store she changed her mind, and wanted a doll from there. So each kid got a toy, and it was pretty confusing cause Briana couldn't make up her mind, and then changed her mind again. Finally Briana picked a cute kitten, and Jordan wanted a Mickey Mouse. I was like okay, especially cause the stuffed animals were buy one, get one free. I only spent $18.00 and was pleased, then Jordan chose to ride the kid rides, and it only cost 75 cents per kid. I felt kinda bad so I let him get in the picture booth after that. Hey it was the rules and they all chose something for all of them to do. We all had fun, and it worked out pretty well for them I'd say...I'm loving each day with my kids, and I just thank God for them...