Pushing back my fears...

I am just so happy and I feel so complete with my kids being here with me. I feel almost like a family again, except the nightmares I'm having every night. I woke up lastnight and couldn't hold back the tears as I watched my little boy sleeping as he held me tight. The words I love you mommy never seemed so painful as I feel that I will break their hearts if I am not granted this Clemency in Florida. I feel such a pain inside because I want to warn them of me going away if it comes to that. I don't want it to be a surprise, but I don't want my babies stressed out anymore than their little minds have endured already. The other day my daughter was asking me to buy her something, and I did because I could afford it, and my son says to me" mommy you don't need to spend money on us for us to love you, we just want your love, and time." My heart just melted at this 7 year old little boy just wanting his mommy. Both my kids ask me every night if I'll just come home with them so we can live together again with daddy. There is nothing in this world I wouldn't do to have my family back, but it wasn't meant to be I guess. I am trying to enjoy every moment with my kids, but inside it's killing me because I don't think I can live with myself if I hurt them anymore. I think that with enough prayer, and faith that I'll push back these fears, or face them, and accept things for what they are. I just don't know anymore...